Ignorance
by Saavik13
Summary: Do you regret it? All of it, from when I said run?" The Doctor has a question for Rose.


"Do you ever regret it?" the Doctor asked quietly, studying the lights on the Time Rotor while pointedly not looking behind him at the object of his question. He and Rose had just finished up another adventure, this time a small one. They'd answered a distress call from a trading ship that had gotten caught in the gravity well of a planet when its engines failed. It had been a simple rescue operation. The TARDIS had put what Rose affectingly nick-named a "tractor beam" on the other ship and the Doctor had proceeded to replace the faulty part and get their engines online. No danger. No death. No universal calamities. As such, his question caught her completely off guard.

"Excuse me?" Rose looked up from the book she'd been reading, sprawled out on the console room floor amid a pile of pillows she'd moved there for just that purpose. "Regret what?"

The Doctor sighed and finally turned around, a dark look on his face. He leaned back against the console with his arms crossed over his chest and for a moment he looked so much like his past self Rose took in a sharp breath. She set down her book and slowly stood up.

"Doctor? What's this all about?"

He shook his head, his expression growing even more distant. "Please, Rose, just answer the question."

"I don't know what the question is! You haven't actually said what 'it' is," Rose huffed and mimicked his position leaning against one of the railings. "Besides, I try not to regret anything. It's rather pointless, a waste of energy."

The Doctor closed his eyes briefly before opening them up again, a pained expression swirling in their depths. "Do you ever regret coming with me? The whole thing, since I said run." His voice was gravelly and he couldn't help the fear behind the words.

Rose looked at him carefully for a long moment than sighed and sat back down on her pile of pillows and motioned for him to take a seat across from her. He slowly lowered himself down, his posture oozing defensiveness.

"Honestly," Rose started than sighed again heavily and reached out for his hands and clasped them tightly. "Yeah, sometimes I do." He stiffened and Rose shook her head no. "It's not why you think, Doctor. I'd follow you tell hell and back, come to think of it I have." She smiled tightly and squeezed his hands again. "It's just, ignorance is bliss. That's all."

"I don't understand." The Doctor eyed her carefully, pulling his hands away and placing them in his lap. The pain was clearly visible in his features and in the sudden stiffness to his back.

Rose frowned deeply and then leaned back against one of the railing supports. "Before I met you, I had some silly dreams. You know, world peace, end to war, love conquers all." She snorted and brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "I love all our adventures, and I love simply being here, seeing all this. But sometimes, in the middle of the night, I wonder what it would be like to not know. I think how much easier life would be without having seen...things." She turned to look at him and gave a tight smile to answer his deepening frown. "You took me to see the end of the Earth, Doctor. And what do I see there? Cassandra and all her stupidity. That's how we ultimately end up. It's rather sad, really. Takes away all the hope that we'll change, become something better. Nope. The world ends and the last human is fashion obsessed and drones on and on about bloodlines."

The Doctor opened his mouth as if to say something but Rose held up a hand to stop him. "Yeah, I know we go on outside the Earth in colonies and New New York, all that. 's not the same though. It's like we never truly reach our potential." Rose sighed again and stared up at the console room ceiling. "That's my only regret, Doctor. I had to check my allusions at your door. All I've got left is the desire to make it as good as it can be, to preserve the hope and the ignorance for everyone else." She looked back at him and then shimmed over to rest her head on his shoulder. "It's the death of innocence to travel with you, Doctor. It's a fair trade, just didn't know I was making it."

The Doctor reached an arm out to hold her and he took in a deep breath full of her scent before slowly answering, his voice still gravelly with emotion. "I should have warned you. I never really thought of it like that. There's so many reason to regret traveling with me, I just never considered that one."

Rose cuddled closer to him and closed her eyes, basking in the gentle sound of the TARDIS in the vortex and the double beat of his hearts. "It's only something I think about now and again, when I'm faced with the worst my kind has to offer. It's not something I dwell on."

"Thank you for being honest." He kissed the top of her head lightly and closed his own eyes. "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here."

"No," Rose sat up and took his chin in her hands, forcing him to look at her. "No, Doctor. We give up one kind of hope when we travel with you. But we gain a different kind of hope, a stronger sort of hope that's forged from constant testing. What you give us can't be taken away ." She looked deep into his eyes and tried to will him to understand. "You give us the truth without blinders and you guide us to see that there is always a chance for something better. Perfection, no, but better yes. It's real what you give us. Ignorance can die, truth — reality, doesn't." She brushed his cheek softly with her hand. "I'll take your real over my former ignorance any day — even when it hurts."


End file.
